Lightbulb on my head, Pinot on my head

Holy moly I am rolling. Literally ROLLING laughing so hard after seeing a video. I think I speak for many, many girls out there, but I am in love with the Real Housewives of everywhere. Actually, Miami never did anything for me!!

Personally, I can't choose an absolute favorite housewife, but I can narrow it down to three:

Bethenny Frankel

Lisa Vanderpump (plus the Jigster)

Ramona Singer

But back to my original point...my sister told me about this comedian a few months ago, her name is Amy Phillips, and she impersonates celebreties...mostly the Real Housewives (her Heather Dubrow and Bethenny are SPOT ON). I watched this video last night 4 times and had to show you guys. I die. As Rachel Zoe so effortlessly says. Seriously if you like Bravo and all the shenans, you'll love this. This girl is crazy good! Kurt hates me right now.

The Ramona Pinot Grigio face KILLS ME!!

How do I become an impersonator?

All I can really do is a fake New York accent that also sounds British.

A love letter to myself

Something inspired me yesterday. I was having a bad day, but saw a retweet from someone to an article where people wrote love letters to themselves. Sounds weird, right? But it made me feel happy to read them! I decided to do one. Too many people focus on the negative things about themselves. Why can't we praise ourselves? Share what we love about ourselves?

My dear Erica Marie Weezy the First,

I can't tell you how much I love you. I love that you don't care that people look at you weirdly when you eat cereal with a spoon yet no milk. I love your ability to play the Harry Potter theme song on your flute after all these years and the way you brush your teeth while dancing and hip thrusting.

I love watching you make people smile. Sure sometimes people get annoyed with your "happy go lucky attitude" about things in life and sometimes want you to be more serious about stuff, but I think it's pretty flipping awesome to see you put a smile on someones face.

I love how you sing and use shampoo bottles in the showers as microphones while making sexy faces in the shower mirror. That's confidence right there! Who cares if people can hear you...actually it's better they hear you rather than see you.

Watching you connect with all types of people is inspiring. I've seen you connect with the guy working at the grill at your office cafeteria. Remember when you guys talked about how you can't live without caramelized onions and he now always remembers to give them to you? Or the lady at the gym who you taught how to do a plank properly? Yeah sure you aren't a professional fitness guru but she felt the burn in her abs and now you two always say hi to each other at the gym!

I even love that you have temper tantrums. Shocking, right? But it shows your passion in life! You want to show what you believe in and how you feel rather than let it eat away at you. Let's just agree not to fully elaborate on that temper tantrum in Target.

It's important to love yourself Erica, so try and love yourself more often. It ain't gonna hurt no one! Oh and while I'm at it, I love your ability to look on the bright side. You turned a bad day upside down, and sometimes that's hard to do!

Keep on keeping girlfriend!

What do you love about yourself?!

Baby Bump and Bumpin the Booty

Last night I did something really weird. 

You know how if you drink a lot of water  your stomach sticks out a little extra from water weight? I was examining this phenomenon in the mirror and if I arched my back and stomach just right, it looked like I had a mini baby bump....I'd say 8 weeks?

Then I took a mirror selfie because it just looked so real. I even did the whole "hold the stomach so tenderly" look. Then I showed Kurt and told him I was pregnant and all he said was "you're weird."

(this is NOT ME!!)

Come on, Kurt! Not the reaction I was hoping for!

Clearly he knew I was kidding

And clearly we can all agree I have issues
I can't show you the real pic because that might cause rumors!!

When I envision myself pregnant, two things come to mind. 1) I am going to swell up like a balloon I just know it and 2) I am going to be a ravenous beast. And by ravenous beast I mean my hair is going to always look wild, I'm going to be constantly wearing giant comfy clothes and I'm going to be so moody and cranky. I can just feel it!

Speaking of feeling, I have been seriously feeling this jam lately. I think it has something to do with this amazingly gangster 15 second video from Kevin Hart on Instagram. Do y'all follow the comedian Kevin Hart on instagram? He posts the funniest stuff! 

F dat Bitch

Link up with Whitney and have a fabulous weekend!

The most awkward exercises in all the land

Have you ever gone to the gym so excited to try new workouts, only to find out you really should have done these in the privacy of your own home because well, they are awkward as hell?

Lately I've been really into finding new workouts rather than the usual old crunches, lunges and planks. I've found a handful of workouts that I want to do every hour of every day because I just know they are extremely effective---except some of them make me look like I'm prepping for a wild night of sexytime or a wild night of being repulsive.

First up, we have the booty lifter

I've done this the past few weeks at the gym

And lately notice people staring. 

Yes lady, I know it looks like I'm ready to ride but feel my butt in a few weeks!

Fire Hydrant Kicks

If you want your ass to burn, do this!

If you want to look like you're a dog pissing on a fire hydrant, do this!

Thigh Scissors

Am I doing kegals? 

Am I about to induce my own labor?

Or am I working out my inner thighs?

Plank Jacks!

Y'all...these hurt so good

But if you saw someone in the gym doing these wouldn't you side eye them?!

Yeah also, don't do these with low cut tops---jiggle say what?! (guilty)

  

 I now know to save these workouts for when I'm at home

Also, I'm not big into squatting at the gym

I do squats every single day at home, but in the gym it looks like you're taking a public poop!

Oh well, as long as my booty looks like this I'm content :-D

What are some awkward workouts you've done?!

Awkward and Awesome--Twerkin off those Reeses cups

Awkward:
-- The show I watched last night on TLC about a man with a 132 pound scrotum. All's I gotta say...I am so glad I am a girl.

-- Snapchats from my sisters boyfriend of him in the bathroom. Videos included! (hint---videos of a stream of "water.") Haha! F'Real.

-- On the topic of Snapchat, being caught taking a heinous selfie to send to a friend. Oh My GOD. I almost jumped through the car window to the car next to me begging them to look at my normal face.

Awesome:
-- That insanely large Reeses Peanut Butter Cup up there. A co-worker went to Hershey Park this past weekend brought these to us. Who comes up with this stuff and why aren't I married to them?

-- A bar I went to Saturday night had some serious twerking involved; men included. I gave it my best shot but you know what, there are some people out there who I think majored in twerking in college. I need to step my game up. #PleaseStillLoveMeMiley

-- This song. I caught myself doing those sexy body rolls in the car the other day listening to it. Hot damn, Tyga, your songs make me wild.

Happy Tuesday bloggy peeps :-)

What the Fluff Friday?

Friday Friday gotta get down on Friiiiiiday :-)

Want to see something kind of cute?

Little baby Erica at just 4 weeks old! I think times have changed with kids. Now a days, would parents really bring their 4 week old on a boat?! Hayylll no! I'm glad mine did though :-) Also dad, nice porn stache

Last night with work I ran a 5k. It was so much fun, but it really makes me wonder how someone can finish a 5k in 15 minutes! That is so un-human-like! Haha I know it's not, but for real...I cannot imagine running one 5 minute mile, let alone three of them! I didn't do too bad...finished in about 27:45! Hip Hip Hooray!

Also, who knew some people were so serious when it came to fun runs like a 5k! Yelling at people to move to the side, men wearing shorts way too short for them, let's relax people this isn't the New York City Marathon!!

Speaking of what the fluff/f-word. Did you guys hear about that zoo in China trying to pass off a huge dog as a lion? I literally laughed my ass off reading this because the dog completely gave it away by barking in its exhibit. 

I mean, I guess that looks like a lion. Except not really--it totally has the squishy cute dog face! The dog was a Tibetan Mastiff, and I had to do what any other human would do, is look up the puppy version. Holy snuggly squishy wishy. I want to lay on this Tibetan Mastiff puppy and pretend it's a pillow pet.

Those paws. The eyes. I just get lost in his eyes! But come on China, did you expect the country to think that was a roaring lion? mmmmmmm...no.

I missed Back That Azz up last week because I was recovering from a night out that's been a wee bit overdue. The night was a blast, but the hangover was not. So! I wanted to share with you guys something preeeeeettty weird. I've been really loving this song lately--it's such a jam, gets me going, gives me that F**k Yeah attitude.

French Montana--Ain't Worried Bout Nothin

Not bad right? BUT THEN. I saw Miley Cyrus instagram/tweet her version

You seriously have to watch this. What happened to Hannah Montana?

I'm ashamed to admit, it's catchy. Especially the Versace song mixed in

Thoughts?

Happy Friday friends! Link up with Whitney and Back Dat Azz Up!

I'm off to celebrate one of my best friends' 25th birthday!

See you next week :-)

My brain is mashed potatoes today

Hi friends! Happy Hump Day to all of you. Speaking of potatoes up there, I lost an 8th grade spelling bee for that word. Forgot the letter E. Damn!

I want to start this off with something that made me laugh that I saw on Facebook. It's only 7 seconds. And pretty damn cool/cute!

 

Let me consider this a stream of consciousness of sorts? My little brain has been all over the place the past week or so and I don't know why! Maybe I just need to write out some random thoughts.

Why are Doritos Locos Tacos so good yet so bad? We recently ordered these at work and I made the mistake of looking up the nutritional value beforehand. I've been cursed by Taco Bell when I once showed up at Taco Bell right when it opened after a drunken college night. My friend and I happened to see them making the meat. Actually, making isn't the right word. There was no freshly oiled and sizzling pan or spices that make the ground beef so delectable. It was a powdery packet and hot water. GAG. But it's so damn tasty!

I have something kind of fun and exciting to tell you guys! I haven't mentioned it here on blogland yet because I'm worried it's going to jinx it but I think I'm ready! Don't freak, it's nothing mind-blowing like I'm pregnant or I'm going to frolick in the Galapagos Islands (though that would be damn cool!) I'll share soon!

Alright, opinions needed everyone. The other day Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z were in Boston for their collaborative concert and I was DYING to go. Last minute I looked up tickets and saw there was 1 available for 65$. No one really wanted to go, nor did Kurt, so I almost bought a ticket for myself. Is that weird? Would you go to a concert by yourself!? I'm pretty outgoing in the sense I would have talked to whoever was next to me, but Kurt was wary of me going alone. I suppose it must have been all the scary 14 year old girls in hooker boots ;-)

I went to put on a shirt for work the other day that I recently bought and for ONCE, I couldn't wear it because my boobs were popping out all over the place. Let's not get in over our heads...they're still small, but the way the shirt and bra went together, it was shocking.

On another note, I need to go finish crushing candy. I can't stop playing, screaming, throwing my iPad down, asking Kurt for help, sweating, cursing, and acting like I just won the lottery when I beat a level.

Catch y'all on the flippy :-)

Weekends are for fairs and awkward Cards Against Humanity

Phew! What a weekend. I am pretty sure that sleeping 10 hours Friday and Saturday night still wasn't enough. Have you ever just been SO tired for absolutely no reason?

Okay enough of me bitching about being tired, eh!? :-) I spent the weekend down in the dirty Jersey visiting Kurt's family.

We headed down there Friday night and arrived around midnight. Let me tell ya, the 4 hour drive is my favorite part about going down there! (kidding hehe). We pretty much always listen to Disney music and hardcore rap music, taking turns singing duet songs---amazing.

Saturday we spent the day at the New Jersey State Fair! I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but Kurt lives at the very tip top part of the state---AKA farm lands. He's about 40 minutes from NYC, but it's still complete farm/country land where he lives!

The fair was nothing short of amazing; fried, delicious food, fresh squeezed lemonade, horses, pigs, creepy carnival workers, tractor pulls, wood cutting contests, you name it!

That night we lounged by the pool with a drink in hand, had a delicious steak dinner, and played Cards Against Humanity. Um. Okay. Cards Against Humanity should never be played with parents. I don't ever want to hear Kurt's parents repeat the phrases tentacle porn or bukakke. Regardless, we laughed until we cried, literally!

The weekend flew by and on Sunday Kurt helped his mom trim a tree in the front yard. Even though it took him 900 hours to finish because he was being particular about it, still made me smile knowing I have a cute little handyman on my hands. Plus, I could be a creep and look up his shorts. Bow chicka wow wowwwww.

Aaaand another summer weekend bites the dust. 

How was your weekend?!

Link up with Sami for Weekend Shenans!

We be steady mobbin'

I feel like a slacker for not blogging about my weekend yesterday! I think it had something to do with the fact that I still had a contact high from the pot smoked all around me at Lil Wayne, mixed with my everlasting love for him that made me too tired to even open my eyeballs and blog!

Let's see...Friday night, Kurt and I went to the Red Sox game on the most beautiful night! They lost unfortunately, but we still had a blast

Might I also add, I ate the most heinous hot-dog after the game. It was outside of Fenway, so it wasn't a "Fenway Frank" which are DELICIOUS! This was sitting in boiled dirty water and thrown on the grill. Maybe it was the fact that it was 9 inches long appealed to me!

Saturday Kurt and I headed up to New Hampshire to see some of our awesome friends! One of my bestie's boyfriend is moving to California next week for a job :-( So we wanted to go out with a bang! We went to Canobie Lake Park, which is the cutest, charming, old amusement park in Salem NH!

They've got this new ride called Equinox which is basically a ride you go on if you want to puke and shit your brains out. It spins you 3 different ways at 3 different angles/axis and I just can't. Luckily the line was about 2 hours long, so Kurt didn't force me to go on with him ;-)

That night we did Karaeko at a chinese restaurant which is always the best! There were scorpion bowls, sushi, crab rangoon, all the good stuff. My friend and I did a Super Bass duet which was obviously amazing haha! I also sang Cheeseburger in Paradise. Seriously had such a fantastic night with great people!

I must also say, there was a man who I noticed staring over at our table all night. He was probably in his 40s. He came up to me and said "You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world..When GOd created Angels he created you...I'm a designated driver I'm drinking water look at my bracelet." And he showed me a rubber bracelet that said DD, and sure enough he was drinking water. Sketch city...did he expect me to get a ride home from him? #SorryBuddy!!

And then....oh and then.... I don't have really any pics from the Weezy concert but it was everything I dreamed of and more! This was my 6th (I think) time seeing Lil Wayne and he never disappoints!! My girlfriends and I danced all night, sang all night, gave the finger all night (Weezy told us to F the haters ha!!) I always say this, but if you like Lil Wayne or not, his concerts are so full of energy! Go to one!!! Trust me! :-)

A little video to tickle your fancy! Scuse the F words

Also a little piece of advice for a Lil Wayne concert. Wear floss as a shirt and a g-string as a bottom. Literally, my girlfriends and I were completely overdressed with our Lil Wayne shirts, while all the biddies spent the entire concert pulling their skirts and dresses down to hide the hoo-ha!

What's with summer flying by so quick? Slow down sum sum!

The good, the bad, the Weezy

Happy Friday! I never thought this week would end. On Tuesday I thought it was Wednesday and on Wednesday I thought it was Thursday. Woof! Speaking of woof...I am still beyond blown away that Slade Smiley's brother Kent on the OC Housewives looks the way he does. Gretchen put it interestingly..."The Swamp People version of Slade."

Anywho! A few good and bad physical feelings I've felt this past week!

THE GOOD

1) That feeling after taking a ponytail out after a long day and scratching your head. It's almost a painfully good feeling you know what I mean?!

2) Waking up in the middle of the night to yourself holding your loved ones hands. I don't mean to get sappy but I woke up in the middle of the night because a seal was barking from our sound machine (we totally have a sound machine equipped with 12 sounds--nerdy but BOMB!) Anyway, the seal barks every so often in the ocean scene, so this was a particular loud one that woke me. I felt Kurt holding my hand and I just "awwwed!"

3) Getting my back scratched where it leads from 1 scratch to "go to the left...now the right...now up...a  little more...ahhhh." I sometimes fake an itch when I feel like having my back scratched because I know it leads to it actually needing to be scratched, and there is NO better feeling!

THE BAD

1) Bras. I have small boobs but I still hate them! It could have something to do with the fact that I'm not properly sized, but who invented bras? Someone needs to tell me the comfiest bra they have ever worn and I'll go out and buy 5,000!

2) Knocking my knee on a free weight at the gym. Holy Holy Holy. Wednesday afternoon I almost became the girl in the gym who used every swear word/sentence in the book, including F my A-hole. When I hurt myself, my mouth comes out and it cannot be tamed! I have a bruise the size of Alaska

3)  Choking on water. It's almost as bad as choking on......

There you have it! And y'all. It's busy ass weekend! I'll cut to the chase. Sunday I see my sexy dreadlock, sizzurp drinkin hot piece of dark chocolate. Weezy F and the F is for Flawless.

And to link up with Whit-eezy, I give you...a favorite mix tape song of Wayne! (obviously hahah)

Happy Weezekend!