I birthed an Elf

No I am not with child…..yet ;-) However I thought it would be kind of fun to get an Elf on the Shelf for Kurt and I so that every morning we can see where he’s moved to.  Like I know I want to put him in a plastic bag and lay him in the toilet so when Kurt goes for his morning you know what, Elfy is starting him in the eye.

Also, when in 20 years the new Elf on a Shelf looks like a jacked, muscular version of an Elf, I will want to still have the original for my kids. Hello?! Have you seen Barbie turned to Bratz dolls? Not cool doll makers!

Anywho, we are lying in bed last week and I’m telling Kurt about the purpose of Sir Elf. How he comes to people’s homes to keep watch for Santa. I also told him he needs a name. I left Kurt in charge of the name, and told him to simply come up with something cute and random to name our Elf.... like, Pookie, or Chippy.

Jason.

He looks like he's thinking naughty thoughts, doesn't he?

Kurt decides Jason. First of all, we don’t know any Jason’s, 

second of all, JASON!? Where did he even come up with it?

After I laughed my head off for the rest of the night, I decided 

Jason was going to be his name.

The Adventures of Jason begins...

Unnecessary things I just need

Happy Friday folks!

Now is around the time I start panicking about what the fluff I'm going to get people for Christmas, and question what people really truly need. Like, does Kurt really need another gold pair of anal beads?

He's wearing them here

Annnnnyway...

I'm the type to get friends and family a serious gift and a funny useless gift just because.

I've been on the freakin' PROWL for gifts this year. Ever 

since I can remember I been bookmarking like a biiiiiiish.

No but really I've been bookmarking things for the past 6 months and as I look through them, I realize half of them are things that I want, and are extremely unnecessary and useless! But viva la life

Honestly have you seen these? Wine Sippy Cups for us sloppy gals

Nuff said :-)

Shower Squids. They hold your stuff! How neat is that?

I also have bookmarked these booty enhancing underwear. BEFORE YOU JUDGE, I saw Bethenny Frankel wear them, since they're in her skinny girl line, and they just make the booty pop! Now, I don't think I have a flat as a board ass, but when isn't a little extra cushion for the pushin okay? Would you get them?

Are there any unnecessary items on your Christmas list this year?

I realized I wrote an entire post about how I'm worried about what to get people

And I just listed off shit that I want.

Priorities people!

K, time for weekending

Get buck wild!

Turkey Day recap including one minor meltdown

Well talk about a week late and here I am with a BRIEF thanksgiving day update. Thanksgiving was an amazing day as usual, spent with great family and delicious food, and watching the Patriots kick some New York booty. I also made these friggen turkeys which ended up only coming out okay.

After I had a slight meltdown when I couldn't mold the balls into balls because marshmallows resemble that of another white sticky substance, and then come to find out I just had to spray a wee bit of cooking spray on my hands.

I give you, Thanksgiving at casa de Jordan!

VOILA!!

Is it a big tradition in your neck of the woods to go out the night before Thanksgiving? Around here at least, you go out to the bars and BAM---everyone that you went to high school with is bumping awkward elbows with you and you have to make awkward small talk. 

REGARDLESS. We had a blast per usual!

I heart my friends! 

Although somehow, we ended up meeting up with my sister and her friends (sissy above little blondie with me). Let me tell you my lil sissy was 3 sheets to the wind by the time we saw her. We knew it too, as she was swinging some old man's braid around while he was kicking it on the dance floor as the oldest dude there.

I kid you not.