A New Years Eve Dilemma and Twerk Talk

By now you've probably heard the phrase "first world problems." Or, its usually tagged #FirstWorldProbz. Let's just abbreviate it to FWP.

I don't normally like to admit when I have a FWP moment because I think it sounds bad, but this one.....oh this one...I just need to share.

This year for New Years Eve we have a big group of us driving down to Connecticut to Mohegan Sun, which is a big ass Casino with tons of restaurant, bars and night clubs. I usually start assessing my New Years Eve outfit in say, November...just to be safe :-)

Anywho, I rarely order clothes from websites that aren't physical stores. I like to try things on beforehand, especially because I have barely any boobs so things look different on a model than me! I came across this dress a while back and fell. in. love. Something about New Years Eve makes me want to feel sexxay, but keep it classy at the same time. And this was just what I was in search of.

I bought this dress and checked my mail every single day until it finally came! I tried it on and it was as if I was auditioning for a porn. The dress fit everywhere perfectly except for one minor detail-my cheeks were poppin' out like they had their own zip code.

The model was 2 inches taller than me, so I convinced myself the next size up would be perfect. I returned the dress and waited for the same dress in the next size. Monday I received the new one...new size...but different color. I slipped it on and turned around to look in the mirror. The middle was too big, the chest was too big, and to make matters worse, it was still the SAME LENGTH! My bootay was still showing if I moved the slightest. What gives!

Now that NYE is just a few weeks away, I'm struggling to find something! I'm also struggling to understand why I dedicated an entire blog post to this. Years down the road when I'm trying to hold a bottle up to one kid while getting another kid ready for school, I'll read this post and call myself an idiot and say "you should have just went to Forever 21."

To end on a completely random note, much to my surprise, my zumba class just start to learn how to "split twerk" (seen below) and I have to admit, it's hard...and painful if you catch my drift!